Lately, it seems a lot of people have told me they thought I had it made. They see the places I get to go, things I get to do, experiences that I get to have, and probably think it is all fun and games. It is true that lately the candle has been burning at both ends with a feeling brought on through the events of Covid last year that life really is short and you better enjoy it while you can. But for everyone who says, “man you really do live the life” let me stop you and tell you about all the shit I have missed. My career started about 20 years ago and for 17 of it, I have run my own company. The stress in that alone has been nothing short of exhausting. Of the past 20 years, I really have been out pounding the pavement and running the roads for about 16 of it – there is nothing like being hungry to grow something when it is your own. And of the past 16 years of running hard, I have been married for 12 of it with my oldest child being 9. Now, that is a lot of numbers, but this is a hope that it will tell a story that will show that, while it may look glamourous, there have been hundreds of thousands of moments missed along the way. For everyone that reads this that says, “man, he must have it made,” let me tell you the other side of the story.
Everybody talks about the first year of marriage being total bliss. Well, mine was anything but that. Amy and I got married on January 31, 2009, when it was probably the absolute bottom of the 08-09 recession. My first few months of being married were spent with many sleepless nights wondering what it was going to take to stabilize my, at the time young, business.
Then, that crisis was over and we began to start our family. Let me tell you how sad it was to miss all those doctor’s appointments hearing first heartbeats and getting screenshots of ultrasounds through text messages. Then, there was the joy of having a child, which I basically took a day off for the birth and worked in my office a half day the next day, not catching a break for weeks to come. Then, there was the birth of my second child, which again I was there for, but she was born on a Sunday and I had to shower in the hospital, put on a suit, and leave town for a meeting on the following Tuesday (my wife really is a saint).
Then, there are birthdays and anniversaries. I turned 30 in the Dallas airport while catching a connecting flight. No party or cake, just me and myself flying from one city to the next. My 35th birthday happened in Iowa at a client meeting – but at least they were nice enough to know it was my birthday and bring me a cake. All followed by birthdays 36 – 38 all being spent on the road in some random town getting ready for some random meeting. The rule in our house was to attend all kids’ birthdays except for the first couple where they weren’t going to remember anything anyway. Well, they didn’t – but I sure do. All I remember is that I wasn’t there. Luckily, I have made most all anniversaries except for 1 or 2. This is mostly because when we picked out a wedding date, we decided on the last day of the month, which in my business is almost assured to be a day that you are not going to travel to be in any city or dealership.
Friends… well, that’s another story. Luckily, I have some close friends that have realized the fact I am not around much during the week, so whatever we do gets done on the weekends. Weeknight hanging out, watching games, going to concerts or events has never been existent for me. After a certain point, they just quit asking – because they knew the answer that I would be gone. So now as we get older we hunt, fish, hang out on weekends all while trying to cram in the family time.
Now, comes the sucker punch. Missing your kids’ activities is next level. My oldest daughter has taken ballet for 5 years now, 2 years at the same place. We went and dropped her off for practice for her upcoming Nutcracker performance on Saturday, and it was the first time I had ever been to her studio. I didn’t even know what side of town it was on. Missed weeknight baseball games, church and choir performances, and so on. The final miss that caused me to write this and think about all the shit I have missed was Tuesday night. I specifically stayed in town, even though I had to travel early Wednesday morning, to see my daughter cheer in the last football game of the season. I had missed every other game this year because they were all on Tuesday nights, and that happens to be one night of the week I am almost always gone. She was so excited. She called me several times that day just to make sure I was still going to make it. Well, I made it alright, but she didn’t. She fell off a stool while eating dinner, hurting her leg, and couldn’t walk – let alone cheer. We went to the game anyway to see if she would be able, but she wasn’t. It absolutely crushed me. I felt like I got picked up and cut in half.
I tell you this now because both on Monday and Tuesday of this week, I had people come up to me and say, “man, it must be great to be you.” Yeah, it honestly is – I wouldn’t trade or change one thing in my life. But when you judge me based on what you think I do – you have no clue about all the shit I have missed.