One of the most influential things I have ever been told in my life happened 23 years ago.  At the young and pretty wild age of 18, a guy who worked for my dad gave me a pearl of wisdom that has forever since changed my life.  The quote was this:

“There are 3 types of people in this world:

Those who make things happen

Those who watch things happen

Those who wonder what just happened

& you always want to be in the first group”

That saying has been repeated over in my head thousands of times and used in more meetings than I can ever remember. But while in a meeting today, I was reminded of it when someone used the saying “It Doesn’t Just Happen.”

My 9-year-old daughter Lilly Grace has been learning this firsthand over the last few weeks.  For the last 4 years, she has been in a holiday performance of the “The Nutcracker” and enjoyed it so much.  She started out at 5 with a very small part, but as parents, we admired her bravery and willingness to put herself out there without anyone pushing her to try something new.  She grew in her roles in the performance over the last few years and now has elevated her position to have 3 different parts, all requiring hours and hours each week of practice.

She broke down last weekend and cried because she was so exhausted from the week’s practices and was missing out on time with friends over the weekend because of a Saturday practice that was going to literally take up her whole day.  While trying to console/motivate her, I wish I had used the phrase “It Doesn’t Just Happen.” Instead, I used the old tired line, “things easily acquired are seldom valued” – which made me sound like I was justifying the price of college tuition or something.  But what I should have said is, “Lilly Grace, it doesn’t just happen, if you want something this big you are going to have to go make it happen.”

Now, as I reflect on this situation just like a lot of situations going on around me, it is a great reminder that “Nothing just happens” on its own.  Warren Buffet likes to say the famous line “Someone is enjoying the shade from a tree planted a long time ago” as he refers to his massive wealth from a long-term investment strategy in very solid companies, and I think there is a great lesson to learn from this.  We live in an instant gratification world.  You want to buy something, it is now as easy as going on your phone, finding the product, hitting a few buttons, and then your product is on its way and soon to arrive at your home.  That is such a remarkable way to be able to live.  Everything is in an instant.  We have trained and conditioned ourselves that it is the way things are supposed to be.

But is it?

Lilly Grace cannot just go on a phone, press a few buttons, and magically be onstage minutes later in the Nutcracker in full makeup and costume.  It takes months of preparation and planning to be in a position to achieve this feat.  Someone can’t build a business or invent a product and then boom – with the click of a button – have achieved all their personal ambition in life or financial freedom.  Yet sometimes people believe that it is that easy.

When I was starting my career, just a few years after hearing the quote mentioned at the beginning of this article, I worked like an absolute dog.  Still do to some extent, but it used to be absolutely gruesome.  Never stopped working for lunch, in the office at 6:30 am, leaving the office at 6:30 pm or later, no social life, no dinners, no drinks – it was all work all the time.  I would take the worst accounts, the smallest assignments nobody else wanted, and even offered to go pick up the mail, or answer phones, go get my boss a newspaper.  I didn’t do all this because I was a suck-up (if you know me, then you know that is not even close to how I am wired) but instead, I did all this just to try to make something happen.

I think the instant gratification world has changed the way a lot of people think about how much effort has to be put into something to accomplish their goals.  People seem less loyal, want everything to happen faster, and far too many of them are standing around and wondering, “what just happened?”

Nothing just happens in life.

If you want it, you have to go make it happen.  Don’t ever forget that.

Lately, it seems a lot of people have told me they thought I had it made. They see the places I get to go, things I get to do, experiences that I get to have, and probably think it is all fun and games. It is true that lately the candle has been burning at both ends with a feeling brought on through the events of Covid last year that life really is short and you better enjoy it while you can. But for everyone who says, “man you really do live the life” let me stop you and tell you about all the shit I have missed. My career started about 20 years ago and for 17 of it, I have run my own company. The stress in that alone has been nothing short of exhausting. Of the past 20 years, I really have been out pounding the pavement and running the roads for about 16 of it – there is nothing like being hungry to grow something when it is your own. And of the past 16 years of running hard, I have been married for 12 of it with my oldest child being 9. Now, that is a lot of numbers, but this is a hope that it will tell a story that will show that, while it may look glamourous, there have been hundreds of thousands of moments missed along the way. For everyone that reads this that says, “man, he must have it made,” let me tell you the other side of the story.

Everybody talks about the first year of marriage being total bliss. Well, mine was anything but that. Amy and I got married on January 31, 2009, when it was probably the absolute bottom of the 08-09 recession. My first few months of being married were spent with many sleepless nights wondering what it was going to take to stabilize my, at the time young, business.

Then, that crisis was over and we began to start our family. Let me tell you how sad it was to miss all those doctor’s appointments hearing first heartbeats and getting screenshots of ultrasounds through text messages. Then, there was the joy of having a child, which I basically took a day off for the birth and worked in my office a half day the next day, not catching a break for weeks to come. Then, there was the birth of my second child, which again I was there for, but she was born on a Sunday and I had to shower in the hospital, put on a suit, and leave town for a meeting on the following Tuesday (my wife really is a saint).

Then, there are birthdays and anniversaries. I turned 30 in the Dallas airport while catching a connecting flight. No party or cake, just me and myself flying from one city to the next. My 35^th birthday happened in Iowa at a client meeting – but at least they were nice enough to know it was my birthday and bring me a cake. All followed by birthdays 36 – 38 all being spent on the road in some random town getting ready for some random meeting. The rule in our house was to attend all kids’ birthdays except for the first couple where they weren’t going to remember anything anyway. Well, they didn’t – but I sure do. All I remember is that I wasn’t there. Luckily, I have made most all anniversaries except for 1 or 2. This is mostly because when we picked out a wedding date, we decided on the last day of the month, which in my business is almost assured to be a day that you are not going to travel to be in any city or dealership.

Friends… well, that’s another story. Luckily, I have some close friends that have realized the fact I am not around much during the week, so whatever we do gets done on the weekends. Weeknight hanging out, watching games, going to concerts or events has never been existent for me. After a certain point, they just quit asking – because they knew the answer that I would be gone. So now as we get older we hunt, fish, hang out on weekends all while trying to cram in the family time.

Now, comes the sucker punch. Missing your kids’ activities is next level. My oldest daughter has taken ballet for 5 years now, 2 years at the same place. We went and dropped her off for practice for her upcoming Nutcracker performance on Saturday, and it was the first time I had ever been to her studio. I didn’t even know what side of town it was on. Missed weeknight baseball games, church and choir performances, and so on. The final miss that caused me to write this and think about all the shit I have missed was Tuesday night. I specifically stayed in town, even though I had to travel early Wednesday morning, to see my daughter cheer in the last football game of the season. I had missed every other game this year because they were all on Tuesday nights, and that happens to be one night of the week I am almost always gone. She was so excited. She called me several times that day just to make sure I was still going to make it. Well, I made it alright, but she didn’t. She fell off a stool while eating dinner, hurting her leg, and couldn’t walk – let alone cheer. We went to the game anyway to see if she would be able, but she wasn’t. It absolutely crushed me. I felt like I got picked up and cut in half.

I tell you this now because both on Monday and Tuesday of this week, I had people come up to me and say, “man, it must be great to be you.” Yeah, it honestly is – I wouldn’t trade or change one thing in my life. But when you judge me based on what you think I do – you have no clue about all the shit I have missed.

So I had some time today on a 3.5-hour flight today to really get ahead. The plan was to reread all old emails, type a bunch of new ones, prospect for some new clients, and send out some texts that were long overdue. Yep, I was going to be as efficient as a well-oiled machine while flying out to the West Coast today. Somewhere, about 20 minutes outside of Atlanta, my plan got derailed when I received the “Wifi Error” message on my computer.

Being an avid flyer, although not much commercial travel anymore and probably the least tech-savvy at things like wifi, smart TVs, passwords and apps, I am no stranger to wifi woes while in flight. Some of the highlights that prove I suck at tech are as follows:

1. The time I had three different monthly wifi subscriptions all thru Delta Airlines because I could never remember a password or an account.
2. The time I locked my computer up so it literally sent the same email dozens of times to the same recipient (still don’t know how that happened).
3. Or the last time I had this much struggle and the flight attendant felt bad and let me use her phone as my wifi hotspot on a long flight because I couldn’t connect.

So when things were obvious that it wasn’t going to be a good day in the friendly skies for my world wide web, I just shifted my direction.

I put my computer away, got out a notebook, and just started making notes.  Once done making all of my tasks for the week, I started to stare off into the sky and occasionally look back at the monitor in front of me to see where the plane was over land. As we kept going, I would see cities and in just about every one we flew over, I had some experience or story that came back in my mind about it. Some of these places I hadn’t thought about in 10 plus years but it was just so amazing to think about everywhere my feet have traveled and all the time I can now reflect on.

As the hours passed, so did the memories.  Mostly were good and positive ones, mixed with a couple of bad times and a lot of times that just made me laugh. The further west I flew, the more the sun faded, and the more I started seeing cities that I hadn’t yet been to and experiences I haven’t yet had, which shows excitement for the future.

All in all, this wifi error really turned into a blessing. It gave me time to reflect. It gave me time to think about the future. It gave me time to be humble – realizing I can do a lot of things, but airline wifi isn’t one of them. And it just gave me time to breathe.

Life is like a suitcase. You only need to pack what you need. I’ve learned this over the years, and it has really perfected my ability to both pack a suitcase physically as I go on trips, and pack one mentally as I go on a trip through life.

This came to me one day while thinking about everything I needed to pack for the day. It was early in the morning, and I had just worked out. I was on my way back home to pack. The trip had a lot of different parts and pieces. Some of it was work, some were pleasure and relaxation. Anytime I have to go on a trip like that, packing is always an abnormal challenge. But as I started thinking about it, only packing what you need is a metaphor for how I’ve decided to live my life in general. Some things aren’t worth taking with you, mentally or physically. And sometimes, you think you’re going to need a hell of a lot more than you actually will need for your trip.

When I came up with the thought, Life is like a suitcase; you should only pack what you need, what I really thought about was the idea of leaving problems behind you. You leave people behind you, in some instances. Not everyone is going to go with you on your journey. Sometimes, whether it’s problems, issues, situations, or even an extra shirt you don’t need for your trip, it is okay to leave things behind.

I’ve really developed that lately in both how I pack my mental suitcase and my physical one. Only take with you what you need, leave behind what you don’t, and don’t worry about the rest because every day is a new adventure.

Battling complacency is one of the toughest things for any highly functioning, self-motivated person. You go through periods where you have ups and downs, wins and losses – sometimes more of one than the other. But even at a point where you find yourself winning over and over again, you always have to be looking at how to up your game. Up your mental game, physical game, the game of how you live your life. Be better every day.

Years ago, a really smart guy told me that if you come into work every day focused on being better than you were the day before, you would have a great career. I received that advice about 15 years ago. I teach it to many people. Yet, even I sometimes find myself guilty of forgetting that every day you have to be better than you were the day before. Every day requires more of everything you’ve got to give. Not just your ability, salesmanship, personality, or general care for people. But how you think, work, and operate. They will all drive you to up your game.

Upping your game is not something you can read a book about or that a friend can tell you over a cold beer one afternoon. Upping your game is a constant mental challenge you must put on yourself to go after increased intensity,  better results, and being one step better at all times – even when you’re at the absolute top. That is what upping your game is really about.

It’s not always easy, and it never will be. This year, I took a focus to up my game in all aspects of my life. I wanted to up my physical game, so I began working out not just a couple of days a week, but in some way every way a week. I wanted to up my game and grow my business. So, we didn’t just grow a little, we’ve grown a lot. And I wanted to up my game with time spent around my family. As a result, I’ve traveled less this year than I ever have, excluding the pandemic.

That is how you truly set your sights on upping your game and live it every single day. Always push yourself to be better than you were the day before.

Through all the years I’ve been working, one thing has become abundantly clear. There is a certain number of people out there who not only hope you are not successful, they actually wish it.

As shocking as that may sound, you may think everybody has your back all the time. But the truth of the matter is that they don’t. People can be envious of those who are able to and have done great things.

One thing I’m always keenly aware of is that there is a certain number of people around me who are waiting to see me fail. That’s why you have to take your work ethic to a whole other level to be successful. That’s why you have to not just wish for something to happen, but work for something to happen.

When you have such a militant conviction of what you are doing and why you are doing it – there is no question why you are doing it and there will be zero chance of failure.

People not only hope you don’t succeed, they stand by and wish for you not to succeed. It’s a sad thing to think about, but it’s really just human nature. Some people see others and what they’re able to accomplish, and it just bothers them to their very core. They’re not able to understand why some people can pull off such feats. But the ironic thing about it – and I know exactly who a lot of them are – is there have been people who have stood around and hoped, wished, even prayed for me to fail.

Those people seem to exert themselves away from me. What I find is that the more people who fail around me by hoping I fail, the more that I am able to succeed. It’s something to be cognizant of, but the moral of this story is that you cannot wish for anything to happen. You have to work for it, and you have to make it happen on your own.

The one thing I have learned over the last 19 years in business, with 17 of those having my own business, is the power of change. This time 19 years ago, I was selling newspaper inserts to Pontiac dealers. Ironic now that there are few newspapers with minimal printed circulation and Pontiac has been gone for over a decade now. Even before the pandemic of 2020 hit, my business and my world were in constant change. Then with all the events of the last 18 months, change has never been as prevalent. I personally have never been so inspired by change as I am now.

Yes, inspired by change. Most people fear it, but I have grown to love it. The challenge you get from having to change a course or direction. The humility you have to have to say the way you have been doing something for so many years needs to now be done a new way, and your old way was wrong. The grit you must have to invest time and capital into brand new things that may or may not succeed, but you are willing to bet your money and reputation on them. The new people and ideas that you get to experience when you have no fear of change. These are the main things that I have come to love about change.

To me, maybe the easiest part about embracing change is the confidence to know there is always a way to make it work. Regardless of whatever “it” might be, there are people smart enough to figure it out and enough enthusiasm surrounding you to will something new to work. You never want to make a change for the sake of change – but as my life and business both continue to steamroll forward, the ability to see, accept and understand change may be the greatest gift I have been given yet.

Although it may be easier for some people to read than actually do – never fear change. Because change is going to come in a variety of different things and the more you are ready to embrace it, the more fun and success you will have.

As I start to get older in life and in my career, it is becoming more clear what the true value of time means. You try to create different spaces or sectors of time – time reserved for working, time reserved for family and friends – and time spent doing things you enjoy, such as hobbies or things of interest.

With the value of time being so much more important, it is also clear how to maximize the investment of your time. Do you spend time with someone who gives you the greatest return? Not just a great return in money, but in enjoyment. Do you spend time with someone who doesn’t listen to what you say or what you recommend, and you will probably never be able to help? Do you let other people monopolize your time and run all over it where you never really have control of your time?

One major habit of mine is making a daily list. I wouldn’t say I make it every single day, but with the exception of maybe 2-3 days a month, I make a very detailed list each day as to what I want to accomplish. Usually, my list is all work-related items, although sometimes other things get mixed in there. My list guides me each day, and by the time of day and the number of things I have crossed off, it tells me how much progress is being made by that point in the day. My list allows me to take control of my own time and spend it working on things that I want to work on or think need my attention.

You always have to allow for interruptions in your well-crafted schedule of time – an unplanned phone call or impromptu meeting – but the rest of your plan can really be adhered to if you have a plan for your time.

The other thing that takes bigger-picture thinking is the question of whether you are spending your time where it counts. Meaning, are you working on something that may never happen, or are you spending your time on things that stand to give you the best possible outcomes? There is a book I read a few years ago called “The Energy Bus” that talked a lot about “energy vampires” – these are people who occupy so much of your energy because of their own needs that they end up sucking all your energy away. I have really started to think who around me are “time vampires,” meaning those who you invest a lot of time in that continually waste it.

The difference has to be understood when you mix all your different sectors of time, though. Just because my 3-year-old son Ford doesn’t really understand what I am telling him, it doesn’t mean I feel like I am wasting my time by spending it with him. But being intentional with my time in all aspects of my life is what I have seen more clearly now than ever before.

While traveling earlier in the week, I had several hours of driving. I’ve always loved to drive on trips that aren’t too far away because it gives you time to think. You can think about where you’ve been, what your past has prepared you for, and what lies ahead of you – not just in your career, but in your life. While taking a little time to reflect on the past, one thing that came to mind was confidence.

A highly successful person years ago told me that the only thing that separated highly successful people from everyone else was their self-confidence. They had the confidence to do whatever it is they’re doing, and go in whichever direction it is they’re going, without any limitations or hesitations.

As I thought through that, I thought about myself a lot. And I thought about other people who say things when meeting people for the first time. Things like, did you see how that guy was dressed? or did you see what kind of jewelry so-and-so was wearing? I’ve never been a person who has ever looked at other people with any type of envy. And I think that comes from being a highly confident person.

This isn’t a post to brag about being confident, but to reinstate the value of having self-confidence. When you’re self-confident, you walk into a room and you’re interested only in what your goal is. Your interests do not lie in how somebody’s dressed, what kind of shoes they’re wearing, or what their purse looks like. You’re in there for your purpose and your purpose only. That’s what separates those who are able to achieve great things from those who always look at people who are able to achieve great things.

This is in no way to say that I have more self-confidence than everybody. But from a very young age in my career, I never had any fear or doubt. I may not have the biggest personality, the biggest company, or be the most successful, but one thing I’ve always had at a very high level is a very big self-confidence.

As I write this, I have just stepped foot on the ground in California. It’s really pretty cool considering that this time a week ago I was in upstate New York only about 100 miles from the Canadian border.

With a string of mantras like “Never Stop” and “Catch Me if You Can,” it is kind of fitting that in one week I have crisscrossed the country making stops back home in Alabama, spending a few days in Texas, Utah, and now am soaking up the California sun. There are still meetings to go and people to impress, but it does give me an extreme feeling of accomplishment to cover as much ground and touch as many clients as I have in such a short time. It is also more than a little bit of fun to be out of the office, away from day-to-day issues and problems that just seem to drag on and on.

The last 18 months have been very different for me and my career. As I have written about, there were times of solitude it seemed like when I couldn’t travel and was grounded and living in a shelter-in-place atmosphere like everyone else. Then, there were times of near depression when business seemed like it was in a bottomless free fall and nobody had any idea what was going to happen and how long it was going to last. Not going to make light of it, there were more than a few very dark days. This was followed by a steady climb to a recovery where getting back on top and feeling the thrill of growing and expanding in new areas and doing things differently than we have done before and yielding great benefit. Now is the reward of adding so many life-changing experiences in such a short 18 month time that it has given me so much more knowledge, courage, humility, and grit that I feel like a whole new person.

I now feel an overwhelming sense that there is more to do. This simply isn’t enough, and with the ability to move fast and cover a lot of ground, there will be so many more opportunities made available, and there is a more talented and capable team around me in place to handle it all. This isn’t just about work either. The people (and some lack of people) now in my life and that surround me just seem better. Everyone seems in a better place, is more interested in things that really matter, not just random BS that sometimes surrounds your group of friends and family. I guess you could call it a “Covid Culling” where people who did bring drama to daily life have simply removed themselves from day-to-day thoughts and activities.

This is also a time where I have made more focus on my physical abilities, not just what is happening mentally. Working out more has become a focus of each week, and not just working out more, but almost to the point of exhaustion. Reducing the amount that I drink has made me more active and generated more energy. I haven’t had a cup of coffee in over a year now, started to drink hot tea, but even have cut that almost completely out as of late. I began a daily regimen of vitamins, am now sleeping better, and have minimized the stress that is in my life.

All of these things combined are allowing me to move fast and cover more ground. The mental and physical combination brought on by the events of the last 18 months has reinvented who I am and what I am working to build. Not just build in my career, but in my life. I have always liked to move fast, but now find a whole new gear that nobody can keep up with.